paul b February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 I have been reading a lot lately and have decided to upgrade my aquarium practices to incorporate "all" of the advances in the hobby to get my fish in the best possable shape, even better than they were in the sea. I also want to eliminate "all" of my questionable practices so here is a synapsis of what I am going to do from now on. I keep reading that changing water is the best thing you can do, so from now on I will be changing at the least one tablespoon of seawater every 22 minutes for 6 days a week. On Sunday I will only change that amount hourly. And I will be using "level" tablespoons, no cheating. The salinity of the make up water will be checked no longer than 35 minutes before it is used and I will use a nuclear calibrated refractometer that I will buy from NASA. After we dismantled the space program they have refractometers left over fro the Mars probe project. The salt mix I will use is custom made on a spicific mountaintop in the Alps in France where the temperature and humidity is perfect to make ASW. The workers in the salt plant will wear hair nets and paper booties. For food, I have found a Chief in Belgium who will shell and devain each individual mysis and check it for disease, paracites, sex and geneology. Only female mysis from the upper class strains will be used. I will suppliment the fishes diet with clams that I will have grown from eggs in Fiji. I will have the clams harvested when they are exactly 3 years and 5 months old. Each clam will be read to (the classics) and individually fed throughout their life from a "new" baster. Any algae discovered in the tank will facilitate the entire emptying of the tank and subsequent steam cleaning while the animals are housed in a sterile room in a safe house in the Bronx New York. The glass will be cleaned by the same company that washes the windows on the Sears Tower in Chicago (USA). Lighting will a little more complicated. Early in the morning the first lighting will be from whale oil lamps to simulate starlight over the ocean. Those lamps will gradually dim as the morning progresses, the next lights to provide illumination will be headlights from a vintage 1954 Porche but those will only be on for 47 minutes until the banks of LEDs come on which will be supplimented by actual movies of the sun over Sumatra at noon. Suppliments will be prepared by a retired NASA scientist with degrees in at least 7 different chemistry fields and he should have graduated in the top 2% of his class in all fields. If he was also the Validictorian that is a plus. My tank has been called a sewer and a garbage dump, so to remady that, the only decorations used will have been previousely used in an operation room from Saint Francis Heart hospital in Long Island New York (USA). The livestock will not be "caught" but gradually aclimated to aquarium life in the sea by gently coaxing the fish into a glass enclosure while playing clasical music and piping it into the enclosure via waterproof speakers. Only fish that feel comfortable with this music and enclosure will be brought to the surface one inch at a time and transported on a fairly new yacht to their new home. The room where I will keep this tank will be painted the same shade of blue that the sky over Bora Bora is. Of course a professional artist will be needed for that and not just a "painter". Quarantining will be performed for at least 3 years in a sterile, hermetically sealed, stainless steel and carbon fiber container 2" thick with 3 viewing ports made of quartz glass. I feel that these paractice along with a few others ) that I won't mention because they may seem by some to be "over the top") will be used to try to quell the feelings that my tank is dirty and a discrace. And I will never mention Paris...................France again. (what did you think I would say?) What are your thoughts on this?
ohaverd February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 I think everything seems pretty doable, but I'd go with Jan's reef blend instead of the Chef from Belgium... I hear she chooses her mysis the exact same way.
pizzaguy February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 My initial thought would be you are either very bored or have entirely to much time on your hands.
Origami February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 It's about time! I don't know about that Chef from Belgium, though. Is he/she here legally? Plus, I'm glad that you're bringing on some NASA engineers. They may be looking for part time work in a week or so.
Origami February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 My initial thought would be you are either very bored or have entirely to much time on your hands. Or retired with a wicked sense of humor and perspective that comes from, what is it now, Paul, 40 years in the hobby?
Dholmblad February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 your tank is a pretty good looking sewer. Wish all sewers looked that good.
pizzaguy February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 Or retired with a wicked sense of humor and perspective that comes from, what is it now, Paul, 40 years in the hobby? That's awesome. How bout some pics of the "dirty tank".
paul b February 21, 2013 Author February 21, 2013 (edited) what is it now, Paul, 40 years in the hobby? Tom, you forgot already. My tank is older than that, I got into the fish hobby about 59 years ago. Actually a little sooner but I was probably crawling then and don't remember. My hermit crabs have canker sores older than some of the members here have been on solid food. How bout some pics of the "dirty tank". My tank has been on here so many times that even I get tired of it. Looks fine to me Edited February 21, 2013 by paul b
Origami February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 what is it now, Paul, 40 years in the hobby? Tom, you forgot already. My tank is older than that, I got into the fish hobby about 59 years ago. Actually a little sooner but I was probably crawling then and don't remember. My hermit crabs have canker sores older than some of the members here have been on solid food. Sorry, Paul. It's probably the age of one of the beer bottles in the tank. I'm forgetting things in my old age. How are things in LI? You guys have seen more weather this winter than we have (thankfully).
paul b February 21, 2013 Author February 21, 2013 (edited) You guys have seen more weather this winter than we have (thankfully). Weather, What weather? Oh you mean this? This is my back yard a week after that hurricane Sandy. Sandy destroyed probably 600 homes and it wasn't enough so we got this also This was my block the day after Sandy This was my friends house, we got a lot of this. My block But besides that, everything is great. Edited February 21, 2013 by paul b
Origami February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 Top pic: Looks wet and heavy. Middle pic: See the piece of sidewalk lodged in the tree roots? Bottom pic: Saturday morning at the Naval Academy. (Just kidding.)
paul b February 21, 2013 Author February 21, 2013 So, do you guys miss me there? Anybody feeding blackworms?
Cris February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 I applaud your aquarium practices. I feel I have a lot to learn and I will be incorporating many of your new aquarium practices myself! That's for the laugh.
paul b February 21, 2013 Author February 21, 2013 (edited) Just make sure you don't deviate from my routine, everything has a purpose. If it helps you I am coming out with a book. But it will be different from most books. Albert Thiel has a book coming out in a few weeks (I actually ordered it) anyway my book will be somewhat like his book, well actually it is exactly like his book, word for word but on the pages where he features crustaceans like coral banded shrimp and arrow crabs, I will have supermodels. And the cover will be slightly different. On my book cover will be a picture of Angilina Jolie standing next to my boat holding in her left hand a picture of a percula clownfish and in her right hand she will be holding a picture of me. I wanted her to stand next to me but she said there aren't enough sardines in the sea for that to happen. Chris, I see you are a girl, so this book may not be appropriate for you. Edited February 21, 2013 by paul b
paul b February 21, 2013 Author February 21, 2013 (edited) The can serves two purposes, it holds make up water and it doses aluminum. Edited February 21, 2013 by paul b
Steve175 February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 Hilarious as always. Thanks for the laugh. I can't seem to shake the mental image of you with the perpetual teaspoon.
Sharkey18 February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 Nice Paul. I feed black worms pretty regularly. It's how I get my Bangaiis to breed. Still trying to figure out a keeper to keep and multiply them in. I need something very compact. Maybe I'll stop by and pick your brain next time I'm on the island.
flooddc February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 That's funny! I can't believed you got me to read the whole thing. I don't recalled actually read anything since college.
Cris February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 Paul, I appreciate your response and of course I will want to rush right out to purchase your book ( your knowledge and suggestions are undoubtably quite valuable) You are correct in that the super models won't appeal to me although I understand your wanting them in the book. Perhaps you could put pictures of Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp on alternate pages for the female readers. I am truly shocked that Angelina Jolie wouldn't want to stand next to you on the book cover. She is obviously beautiful but not very bright.
AlanM February 21, 2013 February 21, 2013 FTS is boring. I want live streaming video of your mandarins eating at their foodbar. Those pics were fun. Ooh, also video of you pulling in a popeye with a needle. Shudder.
smallreef February 22, 2013 February 22, 2013 OHHHH Paul... to one day sit down and talk to you for hours about NOTHING!!! Would love to meet you, you have the same sense of humor my husbands previous XO has... and seeing as how she is one of my best friends I think its pretty funny....
paul b February 22, 2013 Author February 22, 2013 ... to one day sit down and talk to you for hours about NOTHING!!! I specialize in nothing. It is my favorite subject now how come that is underlined? Stupid computer. you have the same sense of humor my husbands previous XO has. What is she doing a week from Tuesday? I want live streaming video of your mandarins eating at their foodbar. That is a boreing video to everyone but the mandarins and even they don't want to see it anymore. It also probably doesn't work anymore.
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